I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
