I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
