i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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