Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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