he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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