Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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