He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
