So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize