giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
