I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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