U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Randomize
