no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
