Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
