I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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