bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
