Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
