Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
