Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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