I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
