FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
handjob tips. give me some.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
