what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
