dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize