I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
