I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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