i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
