somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize