oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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