I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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