so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
