Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
