shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
