Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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