Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
