All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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