why didn't you poke me back
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
