Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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