i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
