And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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