dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My pussy is not your playground.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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