Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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