I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
