We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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