Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
