so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i drank out of a bidet.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
