I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I forget how to act sober
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
