I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My liver is preforming stress tests.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
