I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
