You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
