Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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