remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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