Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
