tell your sister to shave her snatch
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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