are you still at the devil's house?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
