I heard we made out
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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