I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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