in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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