I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
