im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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