I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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