Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
