You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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