I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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