Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
