bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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