So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize