She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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