After last night, I could never be a politician.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
