The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
