Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my being single is dangerous.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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