Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
