But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
