so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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