She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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