This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
