dude i'm inner monologue high
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
