Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
