I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
