Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
