I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
