we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize