The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
