Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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