I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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