I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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